It seems a little odd and I don’t think that you were
supposed to spend an entire paragraph writing about the lens that you were
about to use. This is in reference to
the Polk street paragraph. I think you
did a very good job at using the Polk street references to talk about the
basketball courts in the same way, but again I think you used to many direct
quotes from the story. You should go in
to more detail in describing the point system used, because it is far from
conventional being that a “three point shot” is only worth two points, like why
do they do this instead of the regular system.
I think that your third paragraph could be divided into a couple more
paragraphs especially near the end because it doesn’t seem that the last few
sentences have anything to do with the beginning ones. Getting to the part where you start to
describe the squeaking of the shoes and then you say the names of the
shoes. It just doesn’t seem to fit when
you say what the shoes are called, in my opinion I would take it out. I think you did a fairly good job at sticking
with the original ideas that you laid out in your introduction, I would just
stay away from over describing and quoting from one of the readings, again I
may be wrong but it just doesn’t seem right.
You are doing a really job at effectively using the lens of Polk street
to describe the space.
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